Diary

June-2-00

Just sitting here, back hurting a little, but my legs are not numb or hurting.  Just thought I would see what would happen if I just started typing.  God in his own way has led me to another good doctor, and through him a good surgeon.  One day short of 67, I am a very blest man.  A nice cool day in God’s mountains, a beautiful place to live and a good wife to make it a home.

Just had dinner, so here goes again.  Hope Mother and Ann will be more at peace, as Ann moved Mother back to Oklahoma; I think it will be best, even though Mother was well cared for at Turner’s Nursing Home. 

Good for Joe and Rhonda, as they become dorm parents.  I like to see people take chances; it might work.  Glad for Tom and Peggy and their kids, as they had a safe trip moving back to their home in San Diego.  Hope Jay gets his health back; bet Tom and Peggy will be a lot of help to him.  Molly just called to let us know she was coming out to visit, just back from a safe trip to China Lake, wherever that is.  Tony hopes to be back from California this weekend.

Well, here I am again, 67 today, watched a birthday tape of Rachel, our youngest grandchild, sent to us by Ed and Vinita.  Sure did enjoy watching how she has grown and what she has learned since we saw her last Thanksgiving.  Going to try to send them an e-mail, if I can, to thank them.  Molly brought some more flowers and more red concrete steps.  God sent a good rain, so now we can use the steps to stay out of the mud.  Be back later; think I will go sit on the front porch and watch the desert bloom.

June 28 - Yesterday I learned a hard lesson, that I will not be able to work like I could just a year or so ago.  The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy, but I guess I had to see if I could, so I lifted too much, pulled a mower too far, even though I knew it was hurting.  Last night my back and legs hurt and I thought I might have hurt myself, but today I think I might have gotten by with it.  (My back was not repaired, just the holes for the nerves were enlarged so the bones would not pinch them.)  This is a near miracle; the hard pain and paralysis are gone from my hips and legs.  The doctor did a good job.  This and watching the mountains with storm clouds on top of them makes it sure hard to feel sorry for myself.  Am slow to change, but I am beginning to like this retirement stuff.  Hope I have learned to take better care of myself.  Think I will go sit on the porch and watch it rain.  Drove the pickup to the mailbox and back; living in the desert, we might melt if we got wet.  Gail got a poem printed in the Index, pretty neat.  That’s all for now.

June 30- Got another mountain shower, sure is nice.  It sure has been nice and cool this spring and summer, better than I could imagine.  Started copying some more books for Gail; it gives me something to do and I learn a little more about the computer.  I am too far behind to do much with it but it is fun trying.  It is too dark to sit on the porch, but have run out of anything to say, so that is all for now.

July 2 - Here I am again.  Got a scanner for the computer; Molly and Tony brought it out today and Tony installed it.  Now I am WAAY behind!  Has been another safe and good day in the mountains; got another shower of rain.  Sure enjoy having Molly and Tony visiting us; hope they don’t think they owe it to us, but just enjoy being here as much as we love having them.  Well, it is 9:00 p.m. and that is close enough for a midnight snack, so will close now.

July 23-00--Back from church, lazy day; will see if I have anything to write.  We got our van from the shop last week, so we went on a trip last Friday, visited with Mary Friday evening, went on to Lubbock and spent the night with Joe and their family, then went to Childress Saturday.  On Sunday we went to visit Mother and back to Childress.  The grass was green and the weather was hot.  On Monday, talked to Raymond and Richard Love about maybe selling the farm to them; not sure I want to, but things change.  I drove the tractor a little, we cleaned the grave sites at Carey, spent the night at the farm, got up early Tuesday morning and had a safe trip home.  We had a good trip but it sure was nice to get back to cool mountain air and evening rain showers.  So here I am with nothing to say, but saying it anyway.

July 27-00— Another beautiful morning in the mountains; sure a tough job watching the sun rising on the mountain, with a cup of coffee and a cigarette.  Am having a war with two squirrels; I have been feeding grain to the birds in two feeders and the squirrels started climbing up poles and eating the grain, so I put plastic buckets upside down on the poles to stop that.  Then we found two big holes they had dug under the house; we put rocks and cement in the holes.  Now we will see what comes next.

July 28-00— Here I sit watching Gail mow the yard; don’t know whether to feel guilty or just enjoy sitting in the cool house.  I think I like this laziness and may work hard at it.  Come to think of it, though, I filled the mower with gas for her, turned the air cooler on so she would have a nice cool place to come to when she is finished.

August 4-00— Gail wrote a nice poem about her piano; am proud we brought it with us.  She has refinished it.  I helped repair the keys.  It is finally hers!  It looks and sounds good; hope she will play it more now.  We put a hummingbird feeder up yesterday and they found it in about five minutes; now there are a dozen or so flying around trying to feed; think I will go watch them awhile.-- Just went to the mailbox with Gail and made it better than usual; the doctor said to walk to help strengthen the muscles in my back.  Now we’re talking about 1/4 mile down the hill and 1/4 up hill without motors, just plain muscle power.  It sure is nice not to have to go to work to make a living; I would be in trouble if I did.  God has blest us.  I guess, if I would admit it, retirement with Gail is pretty good.  I try to do some work around the house but it is pretty easy to over-do it and then have to hurt awhile.  Gail kind of fusses at me when I do too much, but that is sure better than being fussed at for not doing anything.  Think I will quit for now; hope to be back later.

August 9-00— I was just sitting here and looking at this thing I am writing, and it is kind of fun not to pay any attention to borders and to put a comma or a dot here and there whether it’s right or not.  Well, this is what I write when I stare at the screen to keep the screen saver from coming on while I try to think of something to write.  After working most of my life with a boss to tell me how to do everything their way, it sure was nice to have the small farm God has loaned us to work on and just do what I wanted, even though it sometimes got me in trouble.  It sure helped my jangled nerves, though.  Enough of this.  We thought we had lost the hummingbirds yesterday but they are back today.  In my old age, I have become a bird watcher; can you believe this?  It’s kind of nice to be able to slow down and notice the things that have been around me all my life, watching nature at work.  Guess I will quit for now.

August 16-00— Here I am again with nothing to say by am going to say it anyway.  I had some real work to do today; got on the roof and patched ½ a shingle, took the pickup to have the oil changed, took a ladder that had been trying to throw me to the ground for several years and took it apart; glued a gismo for Gail.  Think I will put in for some overtime pay.  Went to the doctor who fixed my back (for a checkup) told him I had a little pain in my back and that my right leg tingled.  He just laughed and said to come back when I had a problem, so I guess I am ok.  Sure have been blest to have good doctors and surgeons the last several years.  I have been in the doctor’s office or hospital more than I have worked, and the van has been in the mechanics shop or the body shop about as much as we have driven it since we have been here; sure is nice to have good insurance for me and it.  Well, think I will watch the clouds paint the mountain as they move over it.

August 17-00— Have had a good day; did a little painting on the house and I think we have it in pretty good shape now.  We have the back yard looking nice with timbers Molly brought to keep the water from running down the hill to the house.  We put a line of the timbers to turn the water and drop down to another line to border crushed limestone about 12 feet wide at the back door and the length of the house, with buffalo grass in between the two lines.  Just took 9 months to get it done, but it sure looks nice.  Now all we need is for our kids and grandkids to visit and enjoy the mountains with us.  Kind of like to show off our work, too.  Gail has done a lot of work on the big yard, and has it looking pretty, with trees, cactus, a rock garden she keeps adding to, many different kinds of wild flowers and grasses, some desert flowers Molly has brought for Gail to plant, a view of the Sandia Mountains that is great.  It is a beautiful, peaceful place to spend my later years and to get to enjoy this with Gail, I am a blest and thankful man.

Kind of missed a month or two, had other stuff  to write.

1-16-01--It snowed in the mountains last night. We stayed in Tony and Molly’s house hoping it wouldn’t snow in the valley and it didn’t. I had an appointment with Dr. Porter a lung specialist.
Today I found out I have lung cancer. I don’t know for sure how I feel tonight, I guess reality will set in soon and then I will have more to say about how I feel.  The snow clouds cleared through the mountain pass and over our house long enough to melt the snow off the road home. We made it home and it started snowing again, sure is pretty.  

1-18-01--Yesterday was a down day, was sick with the flu, besides just learning I had cancer. My lungs were full of congestion and I just didn’t have the strength to cough it up. When I went to bed last night, when I would breathe, my lungs sounded like I was trying to learn to play the bagpipes. I feel better today and our doctor prescribed medicine to clear my lungs. Hope it works. Well here I am feeling sorry for myself, then I look out our window and can see the mountain covered with snow, makes me feel better. Trying to stay positive but fear sneaks in now and then, but for now I can push it away. I will try to write my feelings as time passes, probably will be like a roller-coaster. More later.         

2-1-01--Feeling better, thankfully. Got my CAT-scan over and will see the doctor Monday to see what comes next. I have been so sick for the last two weeks and haven’t had time to worry. Now that I am better I am having to deal with having cancer. Right now I don’t know how I feel. Calm on the outside and a little fear on the inside. Am wondering if my life will still have meaning to those around me, while I hope I can still be helpful to those around me as long as I have life on earth.  There are feelings I haven’t had to deal with until now, maybe will know more later. But this day I can hug my wife and she hugs me back, and I think my kids care, God loves me, and I am in His mountains and am able to see part of His great creation. More later.

2-10-01--Well got me a lung biopsy; have a rare fast-growing cancer that has spread past my lungs.  I am more sad than scared now. Don’t know how I will feel down the road. I have a doctor’s appointment Monday to see what kind of treatment might help. I have asked God to help me through the rest of my life on earth as he has since I was born, just hope I will stay out of his way and let him do so. It sure is nice to have Gail and my family caring for me. I don’t know exactly how Gail feels now but guess she is a little sad too. I hope the treatments help me and I again will have something good to write about. Hope better news next time.


2-24-01--Well I finally got started on my chemo and have an appointment Monday 26 to start radiation treatments. God willing I will have 27 radiation treatments and 2 more chemo treatments. I imagine it will be tough but it sure is a good feeling to have hope. Something I count on is prayer to God through Christ. My family is praying to God on my behalf I’m sure.   
Then there are Christians in several congregations, some I know but many I don’t, who are offering prayer to God on my behalf. Of this I am thankful and may God’s will be done.
I am kind of tired but feel good about going forward with the treatments. Now guess I better tell Gail how bad I feel and see if she feels sorry for me, surely she will. Really, I’m having a pretty good day, Will try to write more later.


3-4-01--Well here I sit bald-headed, a new tattoo on my chest. It is a pretty March day, Gail playing the piano, a pretty white capped mountain to look at makes for a good day.
God willing here’s the plan. Monday get radiation treatment. Tuesday go to lab, get my blood tested then go get another radiation treatment. Wednesday radiation treatment. Thursday radiation treatment. Friday radiation treatment. Get Saturday and Sunday off. This will go on for five weeks. In addition to this on the 14th will get another dose of chemotherapy and in about three weeks another dose of chemo. Now plans can be changed and will depend on my blood test every week. So now I can’t complain about being bored. Will try to write more later.

10-19-01- I should have been writing more. It has been a good summer, just sat in the cool shade and enjoyed. I think I  have convinced myself I am not able to work, so I can be lazy and not feel too guilty. You know it’s hard to write something that’s not depressing when I don’t feel good so think I will take a break and be back in a little while. Gail has a cookstove that has a computer that turns the oven on and off, it got mad and  quit working, hope to get it fixed today; I am missing my muffins, and pies. I have it pretty bad huh!! Just went out on the front porch, there was the mountain, some of the tree leaves turning gold, It just picks my spirit up to see a part of  God’s creation as the seasons change. Will write more later 

10-22-01-Looked like it was going to snow or rain for awhile but the sun is burning the clouds off. I was planning to go and see if I could trade for a 4-wheel drive car but am not feeling well enough to try it right now, maybe later. Will write more later.

11-5-01-Well here I sit good and dizzy, will go get a CAT-scan on my head to see what’s up there.
We will know one way or another soon what is wrong with me.  It’s like Jerry Clower, a country comedian, told a joke about him and his friend Marcel Ledbetter going coon hunting. They got their coon dogs out and soon the dogs chased a coon up a tree, but the tree limb was so big they could not see him to shoot. Marcel said he would climb the tree and push it off the limb. The coon didn’t want off the limb, so the fight was on. Jerry heard the noise in the tree, and Marcel said shoot this thing. Jerry said I can’t shoot; I might hit you..MARCEL SAID JUST SHOOT UP IN HERE AMONGST US. ONE OF US HAS GOT TO HAVE SOME RELIEF!
That is the way I feel now. Maybe will write more later.


11-10-01-Well I got dizzy and fell out of the tree so I guess I’m O K.  I’m getting my head radiated, don’t think they issue new ones so I hope they get this one fixed. Maybe write more later..        
        
11-11-01-Well rthw legty sise of this typweiter sosent seem to work todY SO i WILL WQRITE AOME LATER (The left side of this typewriter doesn’t seem to work today, so I will write some later. Interpreted by Gail)


                                                                                  Harold’s History

Looking back at the patience God has had with me, sparing my life on earth this long is hard for me to comprehend.  Not anything I’ve done could earn this; I have just done the best I could with what I had to do with.  I will list the times I’ve been near death through curiosity; some would call it stupid.  In a ‘38 Ford pickup going home from a visit to Grandad and Grandmother’s, I was riding in the back of the pickup.  Daddy was driving about 40 mph; I wondered if I could run that fast hanging onto the tailgate, and got a hold on the tailgate, got on the bumper, then dropped my feet to the pavement and found out my feet and legs would not go that fast.  The last thing I remember was my hands slipping from the tailgate; the next thing I remember, I was back in the pickup bed, so I learned I could not run 40 miles an hour. 

At other times, curiosity just got me hurt.  Daddy burned a wooden building on the farm that was about to fall down anyway; the next morning all that was left of the building was about six inches of ash, square just like the building.  I was barefooted and the ashes looked so soft, I had to walk into them just to see how soft they were.  I didn’t realize until half way across that there were burning embers under that soft gray ash; my feet hurt so bad, I figured this was what hell would feel like. 

Then there was the time Jerry Greenroyd, a friend, and I were way down in his canyon just exploring.  We were always looking for arrowheads, pretty rocks, and maybe gold.  It was a pretty winter day when we came up to a bluff that was probably 20 feet straight down to a spring.  The ground around it looked wet and soft, so I thought if I jump off into the soft dirt, would it be like quicksand and swallow me or just be a soft landing.  I thought about it for a little bit, but I had to try, so I jumped.  I wrote about it being winter time; the spring was in the shade and the ground was still frozen and very hard. I sprained my ankle and had to walk five miles on this ankle.  I did stuff like this pretty often.

Then childhood disease took its toll.  I had the whooping cough, and the name says it well.  It made me cough almost continually, and every time I would cough, my nose would bleed.  This was night and day for almost two weeks, and looking back, this is when you know your mother loves you, because she was up night and day caring for me; guess she got a little rest in between coughing spells.  Didn’t know at the time it was a serious illness; all I knew was that when I tried to get out of bed, I was so weak that I could not stand up and it just made me mad that I could not go out and play.  

As long as I can remember, I had to be doing something.  When Daddy did not have me working, I was playing, going hunting with friends, or by myself with my Red Rider BB gun, wandering around the pastures shooting at rabbits and if I happened to hit one, it would just make them jump and run off.  I would make home-made tractors and play like I was really farming.  Would play for hours.  I spent lots of time wandering around looking for arrowheads and at one time had a pretty big collection.  I don’t know for sure what happened to them but think I gave them to Mr. McFarland; he had a huge collection and I think he later gave all his collection to the Childress Museum.

 And of course, I was always hoping to find gold.  A friend and I did find what we thought were diamonds; it was sheets of clear rock about ½ inch thick and sometimes sticking 3 or 4 inches out of the ground.  When we found this, we knew we were rich; we broke off a piece of this and ran home as fast as we could to show Daddy.  We went from rich to poor pretty quick; Daddy said it was only isinglass, pretty but not worth anything.  The disappointment didn’t last very long; just went about other things, no telling what.  Just look at all I was missing by being sick!

It started with an earache that went on night and day for a week with Mother heating towels all day and most of the night, putting them on my ear to try to stop the pain, but the pain would not stop.  Daddy took me to an eye, ear and nose doctor, don’t remember his name, but he poured something warm in my ear and after a little bit had me turn my head over and let it pour out and sent me home, but it didn’t stop the pain and I was getting tired of this.  The pain lasted about another week before it stopped, but then I started to get sick and got so weak I could not stand up.  I would try to get up out of bed and just could not stand up; my legs just folded and I would fall.  This was not long after I had the whooping cough and I wasn’t worried about being sick except that I was so weak I couldn’t get up and go play.  Now Daddy and Mother took me to a real doctor.  Dr. Carriker was a big gruff man, with a big cigar which he put in an ashtray when we went in to see him; I was kind of afraid of him.  It was like going to see a god.  I guess he told Daddy I had pneumonia.  They took me in a room that was a little dark with this great big black machine right in the middle of the room.  Dr. Carriker and his nurse (who was also his wife) had me to lay down on a bench right under a big old round thing.  I was laying on my stomach and they started putting these lead things on my back and when they had them just right, they told me not to move.  Now I knew if I moved I would die instantly.  Dr. Carriker put on a big lead apron, went around a thick wall with a little glass window in it so he could see me, I guess.  He told me again not to move, then turned that machine on and it made an awful noise.  I wanted to get up and run but I didn’t dare move.  I later found out that I had been zapped with an x-ray machine, new at the time.  Anyway, Daddy carried me out of the office and down the stairs to our car and we went home.  The treatment worked because I started to get better.  I hadn’t been hungry for awhile, but I woke up and told Mother I was hungry; I guess Daddy heard me and he jumped up, got his .22 rifle, went out the door and it wasn’t long til he brought in a cottontail rabbit, skinned and ready for Mother to cook.  At that time, it was special to have meat with a meal.  Mother cooked the rabbit, biscuits and gravy, chocolate pie, everything I liked.  I knew I was being spoiled that day, didn’t know why but I was enjoying it.  I guess they had been worried about me and were proud I was getting better.

The next time I remember getting hurt pretty bad, we lived on a rented farm about 5 miles west of Carey.  The land Daddy farmed was on both sides of highway 287 and both sides of Baylor Creek, which got pretty wild when it rained.  It had a tank of water on it, so we had our own private swimming hole.  And then there was the Fort Worth and Denver railroad about 1 mile north of our house.  I would walk to the railroad and stay most of the day now and then.  I would wave at the engineers as the steam engine would go by and they would blow the steam whistle for me, and as the caboose went by, I would wave at the brakeman.  I would put pennies on the track and the train would mash them flat as it ran over them, and they would come out in weird shapes; I always liked the steam engines.  Hobos would come to our house now and then wanting something to eat and Mother would always get them something to eat.  I was about 7 at the time. 

Now what got me hurt was two pretty old work horses, one I think was blind in one eye.  Daddy bought them from Granny, his mother (why, I don’t know), and a go-devil.  A go-devil was a sort of sled that would straddle one row of cotton and had two big knives, one on each side, that would run under the beds of dirt to cut the roots of the weeds on each side of the cotton as it was pulled through the field.  It also had two small plows at the back of the sled, one on each side of the cotton row, to cover some of the weeds next to the cotton, and a metal seat to ride on.  The horses would pull the go-devil, but first we had to put work bridles on the horses’ heads.  On the bridles were what was called bits that went in each horse’s mouth.  These were metal rods that were just longer than the width of the horse’s mouth with metal rings on each end to tie long leather lines that would reach back to where I would sit on the go-devil seat.  These lines were what I controlled the horses with.  When I pulled the left lines, it would put pressure on the left side of the horse’s mouth and they were trained to turn left, and if I pulled the right lines, it would put pressure on the right side of the horse’s mouth and they would turn to the right.  When I wanted them to start pulling, I would slap them lightly on their hips with the long leather lines, and when I wanted them to stop, I would pull all the lines straight back and they would stop.  The two horses would work side by side.  This is what I was told to do and it worked for awhile.

 For the horses to pull the go-devil, there was what was called harness that had to be put on them; there was a heavy leather collar that was placed around the neck and front shoulders of each horse, and each collar had metal rings on each side to hook trace chains to.  The trace chains hooked in these rings would be longer than the horses and would be hooked to a long wooden beam behind them, and in the center of this beam, the go-devil would be hooked.  Daddy really was the one that got the team of horses ready to work and helped me get started, then turned them over to me.  Now no one would believe this was the first time I had driven a team of work horses because I got to the end of one row of cotton, turned them around to the next row like a pro and drove them to the other end of the field that ended at the highway.  I started to turn them around to the next row, but the horses got to acting funny; I don’t remember, but a car or truck going past on the highway could have spooked them.  I tried to stop them; couldn’t.  Something told me to get off this thing and I jumped off, but I didn’t want to have to explain to Daddy why I let those horses get away from me, so I ran as fast as I could and got back on the seat of the go-devil.  The horses were now trotting real fast and I was trying to stop them and getting very scared.  The last thing I remember was the horses running as fast as they could and I was riding on this narrow little piece of wood and iron, bouncing across the ridges of dirt the planter made.  I don’t remember what happened next but I guess I was thrown off and knocked unconscious.  Daddy said he saw the horses standing at the fence but didn’t see me around them, and when they didn’t move for awhile he knew there was something wrong.  He said he drove the pickup to where the horses were standing and saw a trail where they had drug the go-devil across the cotton field.  He followed it until he found me lying in the dirt.  I was skinned up some but ok.  I don’t know of another plow that was better named, and you can believe I never drove another team of horses.

On the farm, the old house had a large front porch. In the summer when it was too hot to sleep inside we put our beds out on the porch. One night as we slept, a thunder-storm came up and Daddy and I started to get the beds in the house before it rained and got them wet. We got the mattress and bedding from one bed into the house then had to move the bedstead past the door 
to get to the other bed. The bedsteads were all metal and I was on the ground carrying one end of the bed and Daddy was on the porch carrying the other end. As we were moving the bed I saw the brightest light I have ever seen in my life, the whole sky was bright. The next thing I remember we were all in the house and I was told lightning had struck us. I was kind of numb for awhile and Daddy’s hand was burned but other than that we were fine. Just in front of the house where the lighting struck there was a big circle of ground that did not grow anything for three years.      

The next time I got hurt, I was old enough to know better.  I had just gotten out of school and had an old car that kept me broke like most every kid I knew, so I got a job working for Newman Reeves, driving a tractor pulling a terracing machine; had to have money to keep my car running.  It seemed to help get dates with girls if you had a car. Just plain carelessness should have killed me, torn off my arms or a leg or crippled me for life. The only harm that came out of this was a bum knee and a broken shin bone. On the back of the tractor was a power take-off that a square drive shaft from the terracing machine was hooked to. The power take-off had a separate lever to engage the shaft so the tractor engine would turn the shaft that would turn an endless, elevated belt three feet wide and 24 feet long. The machine had one large disk on the left side and when lowered in the ground, would throw dirt on the big belt, and as the belt turned it would carry this dirt to the right side of the tractor and the dirt would fall back to the ground about 20 feet to the right of the tractor. The tongue of the machine was hooked to the draw bar at the back of the tractor. The tongue was about six inches wide and it made a good step to get to the seat of the tractor. The problem was, it was only about four inches away from, and one foot below the drive shaft. This was the accident waiting to happen.   Neuman Reeves, my boss, told me never to get off the tractor with the drive shaft turning because it could catch my clothes and pull me into the turning shaft. I said ok, but the lever that disengaged the shaft and stopped it from turning was under the seat and kind of hard to reach, and besides, I would watch and make sure I was away from the shaft when I stepped on the tongue to get off the tractor. The disk had a shear pin that would break and let the disk go out of the ground so if you hit a big rock or a tree stump it would not ruin the machine. It would often break in hard ground, which was happening often this day. Every time the pin would break I would have to get off the tractor and put a new pin in it. I was having to get off the tractor so often I just quit turning the drive shaft off, got away with it for quite awhile.

It was winter and the tractor did not have a cab; it did have a canvas comfort cover that ran down each side of the  engine on the tractor back to where the seat was, so the fan would bring some of the engine heat back to the driver and it helped a little but was still a cold place to work. So I had on two pairs of khaki pants, a t-shirt, a shirt and a new pair of work boots.  It had warmed up enough that I had taken my coat off, thank goodness. Well, a shear pin broke so I stopped the tractor and stepped off  onto the tongue of the machine and felt something grab my legs real hard. I don’t remember what happened next, I kind of wish I knew, but it probably is best that I don’t. The next thing I remember I was sitting on the ground leaning against the back tire of the tractor. I must have had my eyes closed because every time the drive shaft turned over I would hear a thumping sound, and my leg hurt so bad, I was afraid to look because I thought the thumping sound was probably my leg hung on the drive shaft. Mr. Reeves was running another machine in the same field, saw what had happened and came to help me. He stopped the drive shaft and said one of my boots was hung on the drive shaft and that was what was making the noise, so I could finally look at my leg.

Another thing I wonder about, all my clothes were torn off except the waist band of one pair of pants, the right front pocket that had a knife and some change, the right back pocket where my billfold was, and my left boot. Mr. Reeves had a pair of greasy coveralls in his pickup that I put on and he took me to Dr. Carriker who took an x-ray of my leg, told me to get some crutches and go home. I wish I had turned the shaft off like he told me to do because he was too nice a man to have to go through this. Neuman Reeves was one of the nicer men that I have met and best man I have ever worked for. I believe God sent one or more angels to get me through some of these things; I don’t know why. I just hope I have done some good that I don’t know about and haven’t wasted too much of the time I have been given here on earth.
                                                                                                           
I have gotten myself in danger quite a few times over the years, probably took too many chances. Seems like I had to take everything to the limit just to see what would happen, and have said  many times to myself, what have I got myself into now! About seventeen years ago God in His mercy, love, forgiveness,  I believe answered  prayers of the people around me who still cared, helped me from a drunken stupor, where my body and soul were almost dead. It has been for me the most peaceful years of my life. I have tried in this time to make amends for the harm I caused, first to my family and then to my friends. I have peace with God that I never had before, a great gift.    

Now I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but I guess I am in trouble again, got me a lung cancer that has spread. We plan to go to a cancer Dr. Monday to see if he can give me some radiation and chemotherapy. Will see how that goes and maybe write some more. 
  
Good news : Treatment has started. Have had one chemotherapy treatment, two more to go.  One radiation treatment, 26 more to go. Kind of ache all over but feel pretty good right now.  Got a bald head, handsome. May write some more later.